After watching President Obama’s farewell speech, and having a particularly emotionally exhausting day, I forced myself free write about what I had just experienced. I worked from 11 p.m. until 3:30 a.m. This is what came out:

In nine days, President Obama will hand his reign over to President Elect Trump. Which this is the first time I have actually said “President Elect”. I know down at the deep roots of patriotism means I should respect the President of the United States. It is an extremely stressful but high honor job. I just don’t believe that Trump holds that honor as a decent human being should. I know we both have the same end goal. We both want America to be a safer and more prosperous place. We just have two extremely different views of what a safe America looks like. I feel like the future he envisions, makes me fear for my safety and of those around me, as well as on foreign soil.

What I want to say is that before Obama, I was 15 years old. I did not give a shit about politics. I gave a shit about what I was going to wear to the football game later that night. I knew at that point in my life, I was more liberal than many of my counterparts. Growing up in a rich white suburb and a large country city of the Midwest will do that to you.

Many of my friend’s parents were very conservative democrats, many Republicans. Friends in college who had the gay friends (I was always the token trans guy) and believed in marriage equality but watched Fox News and got white trashed drunk on the Indy 500 field.

Remembering, not too long ago, I felt like an outcast in the cities I grew up in. Muncie and Avon shaped my life growing up and entering adulthood. I feel very connected to people who understand what I am talking about. Indiana is its own world. Regardless of who we are, we all see each other the same, “A Hoosier”. We all take that to heart. Waking up on an Indiana summer morning with the breeze blowing through your coffee mug on the front porch or lying in bed with your girlfriend watching the landscape (which is mostly corn) turn into a Winter Wonderland. The summer nights that seem like it will never end, in a good way. I always tell my Seattleite friends that I always felt inspired and full of adventure on those nights with bonfires and Bud Light. But also, that they would cry and lose all sense of will at the fact it is -15 degrees outside, covered in a foot of snow mixing with ice and yes, your boss still needs you to come to work.

Growing up in the Midwest gave me a sense of belonging that I did not have before. However, that came at a very harsh price. I was the token Lesbian. Then I was the token Trans friend. It’s never, “hey meet this guy Konner,” it’s, “hey meet my friend Konner. He is trans”. Someone once told me that they were excited to be my friend because they had never had a trans friend before. Another one asked if, now that I’m trans, I can only date lesbians. I’ve been told that I was too pretty to be a man. That I’m going through a phase. Or that everything that I do is solely because I do not have a penis.

At my last job, I had someone out me and my kids retaliated. I was physically and emotionally assaulted by four kids. The leaders decided that they needed to debrief with the kids about the fact I was trans, without my permission. That everything I did was based on the fact I was taking Testosterone. I was some precious jewel. I felt like I was held to a higher standard and was talked about based on my gender orientation. I had a therapist (not the amazing therapists at my last job but my personal therapist) who wanted to use me as the token trans guy in therapy by asking me to go in front of his class and give my perspective on the trans experience. Which is absolutely illegal and I in no way am the only voice of the trans community. In all reality, I am a baby transman. I have so much to learn about this community and I have been a part of it for in a sense, my whole life.

Though, I must remind people that not everyone was like this in the Midwest. I absolutely had people in my life that saw me as a person and based me on my merit as a human being. I am good friends with a great many of them. It’s just the thing is, when I moved to Seattle, that was the standard of everyone I have encountered. There aren’t just a group of people like that, everyone is like that. No one seems to understand that there is a world where I am still seen as a second-class citizen. Human rights come like second nature here. The company I work for, makes it a priority for me to feel safe and comfortable in my workplace, because why the fuck shouldn’t they? It is no contest.

Wrapping it back around, under the President Obama Administration, as I have come to grow up, made it easier to learn the lessons I needed to while he provided a stable economy, a safe space and loving environment to do that growing. In all honesty, he felt like a father figure to me and I am sure that it is true of many of the people around me. In times of adversity, I could look up and be reminded that the leader of this country is a good and honest man. A man who cares not only about the lives of his family but those of the American Citizens. No matter who you were, a left wing-liberal who has seven global warming stickers on the back of their car to the redneck with seven gun quotes on the back of their pickup. He cared about the immigrants, the Native American population, the minorities, the “second class citizens”, the military and their families, the black, the white, the Jew, the Protestant, the underdog and the kids, even animals. Every time I saw him deliver a speech, I was wrapped into his kind words. I could sit there and remember that there are awful people in the world but this man is leading with kindness and dignity.

This man knew, just as I, that we all are trying to do the same thing. Keep our loved ones safe. Everyone deserves a chance at living, no matter where you come from. Fathers are strong and gentle, they protect their kids, they provide and teach and hold his family as the highest honor of his life. I mean have you looked at how Obama looks at Michelle and the kids and Joe? It makes you want to cry.

Michelle fostered a sense of belonging. She helped me remember to be warm and kind to everyone you meet. To always help those in need. She taught me about elegance and grace and grit and dignity. They are the power couple. All the #relationshipgoals. Speaking for myself, every time I watched their videos, I felt like they were there to give you a kiss on the forehead and send you out in the world to make an impact. To support you in all that you do. That you are smart and capable and deserving.

Under the Obama Administration, I have seen marriage become legal, I’ve seen greater spotlight in the World of Politics when it comes to Trans related issues. I could go to school and get a degree because both of my parents have good jobs and provide for me. I have affordable health care that takes care of as my mom would call it, “My man doctor” bills. I felt like I was coming into a world worth fighting in.

And then two years ago, the Trump Campaign came to light. We laughed. We joked. That we would never be that silly. In nine days, we are going to live in a very different world. The jokes came true. We have elected a potentially life threatening man, a very unstable and inexperienced man. A man who gets into fights on Twitter because someone called him out on his bullshit. He has made stock markets plummet. People fear for their safety. I had a kid I work with, ask my coworker if he thought Trump was going to send his parents back to their home country. That because his skin is a different color, he is going to kicked out of his country. No eight-year-old should ever be afraid of that. I have friends who are afraid of their future, who are getting married because it may be revoked and women I know who are honestly afraid of what their healthcare is going to look like. Our rights as human beings are being infringed upon by the leader of the free world. If that doesn’t scare you, if knowing that other human’s rights are being stepped on to lift your giant ego higher, I don’t know what will.

I know that this is only my opinion. That my view may not be of yours. I know many don’t agree. But that’s how we were raised. It’s the diversity that keeps this democracy running. We will never be able to prosper without diversity. It simply isn’t possible.

President Obama. I remember watching of his speeches. My mom and I were in my living room of my childhood home. We both knew at the time I was a lesbian but neither of us were going to say anything. But we both knew, on that night, we were watching a leader that was going to change that. I remember my mom and I standing up and down and clapping at everything that he said. His words rung in my ears, “Every single American — gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgender — every single American deserves to be treated equally in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of our society.  It’s a pretty simple proposition.” I remember exactly where I was when DADT and DOMA were ended. I felt safe under his administration and I became interested in politics again because his legacy wasn’t about causing 9/11 or Watergate or Monica Lewinski. He doesn’t mock disabled reporters or take away the rights of women. He brought together human beings of all backgrounds, ethnicities, religions and countries. I believe in that with my whole heart.

The leader of my world now, doesn’t believe in that. I can honestly say with absolute confidence; the structure of America is about to go through a major shift. I don’t think I am the only one who is going to move forward while keeping an eye on my back. I reminded that the people I met along the way in the Midwest, either from harassment or bullying, ignorance or the lack of a good education. I’m reminded they now have a leader that gives them permission to let that behavior keep happening. It’s just in the words of the greatest President I have ever witnessed and learned about, “We the People, we shall overcome. Yes, we can.”